Almost 20 years. A couple of years less than half my life my daughter Aj has been by my side. Thru thick and thin, Ups and Downs, Tragedy and Successes. She has been by my side. Last night, almost casually, she said, “Mom I’m moving out in the next couple of weeks”. Every fiber of my being wanted to scream. “NO, don’t do it. It is scary out there. “ I sat calmly and asked all the important questions. Where, with who, etc. Then she walked upstairs and started to pack and I let it sink in. I do not know how to explain that my heart is breaking and I am very happy for her all at the same time. I do not understand how I feel that she is making a huge mistake and a great first step all at the same time. She is a good kid and I raised her right. I know that I laid a strong foundation down for her to build upon. It still hurts, like a bad breakup hurt, like a weight is sitting on my chest hurt, like I feel like I could break out in tears at any moment hurt. I want to tell her Wait….I’m not done being your mom yet. I am so sorry for all the shit I did wrong. Can’t you just stay a little longer? Please?
As of today 1/10/12 I have lost 11.1 lbs with 56.8 to go!
My workout plan is to use the treadmill or elliptical 2 to 3 days a week and the kettle bells and weights at least 2 days a week. My plan for losing weight is to recommit myself to a low fat plan that includes me MEASURING OUT my food.
The other thing I am doing is I am starting Alli. Yep I am going to use a diet aid. I have done my research and the treatment effects (alli-poop’s) do scare me but I have read many positive responses from other women out there and I am ready to try something new. I am committed to doing a trial from now until I leave for Italy and if it works, I will pick it back up when I return.
I made a list of my top Motivation Points to remind me why I need to keep trying to lose this weight!
I want to:
o Look younger
o Keep my thighs from rubbing together!
o Look better naked!
o Have my clothes fit better
Health & Fitness:
I want to:
o Live longer
o Have more energy
o Climb stairs without being winded.
o Feel and be stronger
Friends, Family and Social Life:
I want to:
o I want to travel in Italy without being winded, sore or tired!
o Stick around to see my kids grow up
o Do things that are more active with Dan
o Keep up with Bridget.
Everyday Signs and Situations:
I want to:
o Be more confident in myself, with better self esteem
o Walk into a room without feeling as if people are staring
o Relax around other people and be myself
o Have people ask if I have lost weight
o Prove to myself that I can do it.
In March, I am going to join my Mom and Giuliano on a trip to Italy. To make the trip even more fun Chris has decided to come too! We are going to meet in Rome on March 9th and Chris and I are returning on March 24th. High level plan right now is Sicily, Pompeii, Tuscany and Rome.
I am so very excited about the trip. Mom and I have been talking about it for a couple of months Now that the actual planning started I am getting even more excited about what we are going to do and what we are going to see. I started a rough schedule and have been doing research about each location. I know that Giuliano will be able to help us decide what to do and when and that is very helpful. I just have to be able to find the balance between getting all the highlights in and remembering that this is vacation. Go slow and enjoy it.
As for getting ready for this trip, Christmas really helped. Allie got me the Rick Steve’s Italy travel guide and Dan bought me the most wonderful luggage. For my birthday/Christmas my Mom got me the Kindle fire. I used it on our trip to California and it was a great travel companion. I was able to load movies and books for traveling. I have found some travel guides for the fire and those look great. I am looking forward to using it to keep everyone up to date on where we are and what we have seen. I also bought an eye-fi card that can be used to upload photos over wireless while traveling. Knowing me, I will be taking A LOT of photos.
The other thing on my “To-Do” list is to get in shape for the trip. Last thing I want is to walk all over and enjoy the first day and be sore for the next couple of days. That deserves a post of its own.